I am the Reality TV Whisperer Part 2

I knew you'd be back for more! This stuff is too good to pass by and I know you don't have time to find all the most scintillating reality shows on your own so let me do the dirty work for you!

Ok, so I had just finished the Virgin Diaries and was actually heading upstairs to start settling down for bed. My DVR has been really full lately so I like to go through it at night to see what I can weed out to make room for the other gems I find along the way. As I was doing this, the tv turned itself on to VH1 (which has been in my top 3 favorite channels for years and is my personal hallmark for reality programming). It must have been recording a show there recently or something but it just delivered me a gift by tuning into the very first episode of a new reality show.

Let's pause there for a minute. How did VH1 making a new reality show sneak by me in the first place? I'm a little ashamed that I wasn't in the know.

But, thank goodness, I'm up to speed now. The new show is called Mama Drama and it features mother/daughter pairs moving into a house Real World style (and all other reality shows based out of a house nowadays style). While this show didn't have the shock factor that Virgin Diaries and belly button lint collecting had, this brought some good, old fashioned appalling people factor that VH1 does better than anyone else. Well, VH1 and MTV are sister channels and it should be noted that the creator of this show is none other than SallyAnn Salsano, creator of the The Jersey Shore.

The best experience for me was that Hubby came home while I was watching and somehow, miraculously, got sucked in by said appalling people. (He is not normally a reality tv watcher like I am, a difference that might be larger in our marriage than our different religions, truthfully). But mothers and daughters who dress alike, more swear words being bleeped out per minute than South Park, and a public throw down in the first episode is kind of irresistible. Oh, I forgot to mention the race war that is brewing in the house before our very eyes. When you tune in, it will be hard to miss Loren, the most foul mouthed woman with a Master's degree known to man. She is there with her twins daughters who she had when she was 16. So yeah, this is basically Teen Mom: The Adult Years. One of her best quotes of the night was "Just cuz you dress prissy don't mean you more classy than another m***er f***er".

So let me break it down for you: Clear your Wednesday nights. Clear your DVR. These shows will make you feel better about your life, make you laugh, make you cringe and bring couples together. What's a better ending to Hump Day than that??

I am the Reailty TV Whisperer Part 1

I seem to go through thematic kicks in my blog posts. Right now the theme is reality tv. It all goes back to self care and the method I am preferring at the moment. There are still way too many travel posts I would like to get out to you but, seeing how it's summer and gorgeous out most days, I feel like I am betraying the lovely New England summer by talking up another place. My brain also goes on a skimmer mode, refusing to dive deep unless it's a special occasion. So I don't crave culture; I crave beach days, Panera lemonade and simple entertainment.

Lucky for me, last night I morphed into The Reality TV Whisperer. I had to bold it because if I ever have to choose the most likely superhero persona for me, that would be it and I want it to be all special like that. Like how Superman gets to be capitalized.

Last Wednesday I stumbled upon Beverly Hills Nannies and thought I had struck gold. The parents were outrageous and the nannies were far too entitled so it made for a great, catty hour. I liked it enough to set the DVR to record it so last night at 10 when I was looking for it but found something else I felt ok choosing the newer option. And boy, am I glad I did!!

It's rare that reality tv can shock me anymore. I mean what idea have the collective "they" not come up with yet? Pretty much every subset of people and animal has been exploited so far. We have gotten a glimpse into the lives of all sorts of taboo, unique, odd and interesting hobbyists and subcultures. Gross habits and obsessions have their own genre, even. But, alas, last night my jaw was on the couch. (it coulnd't make it to the floor because I was in a reclined position).

So what brought me to this state?

 Virgin Diaries is a show on TLC, which also just earned a spot in my top 3 favorite channels. The only word that even begins to capture the awesomeness is awkward. So, so very awkward. Last night I was introduced to Skippy, a 34 year old Mormon virgin. I must admit that the Mormon factor is what hooked me in because I want to see how popular media is portraying a culture I identify with but that gets a lot of negative attention. Well, Skippy isn't helping the cause is all I can say. He was almost endearing in his puppy-like enthusiasm and lack of ability to read social cues but his penchant for collecting belly button lint and making self promoting tee shirts and stickers really worked against him.

Then there was the 33 year old moderately attractive girl who is dating a non-virgin but waiting for marriage to consummate their relationship. In theory, that would be fine. But in this dyad, it was painful to watch as the girl was overly confident about her boyfriend's feelings and his private narrative to the camera made it clear that he was only considering marrying her so that they could have sex. Sounds like a healthy plan to me? Um, no.

Finally, there was a follow up to a couple who got married last year, never having ever kissed anyone or each other before their wedding day. The wedding day kiss was seriously the worst thing I have ever seen. It made me physically cringe and want to burrow my head in the couch cushions. The follow up is that they have been working on their kissing but, trust me, the so called improvement is still pretty painful to view and, on top of it all, the two individuals involved are both the kind of people that make you support Darwin a little more. How did either of them survive in the world up until now??
Here's a link to a video of "Practice Makes Perfect"

I texted my bestie and recruited her to watch with me and engage in commentary with me throughout the show because just like misery loves company, so does mockery. And there was so much fodder here that I was legit beaming with glee.

I want to tell you about what I found next but I think you need some time to let this soak in so come back tomorrow for more....In the meantime, puhleazze check this show out and if you are one of my Utah based friends, let me know if you know someone who knows Skippy!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday night revelations

I've never blogged from my phone before and it will probably take a month to type and be riddled with errors but I have learned so much on the last hour that I can't help myself. Sadly, most of them are about The Bachelorette.
First off, how can anyone think these people are for real? Where do I begin?! Guys sitting around talking about each others dating strategies? No. This girl is super cheesy. Why does anyone want to date her anyway? Of course she is beautiful but everything she says is irritating.
I think this show would be leaps and  bounds better if they let me narrate it and mock them. Like when the single dad is crying about his kid I could be in the bottom right corner making faces like a crying baby rubbing his eyes and laughing that Rob Zombie wife laugh. She has the best make fun of you laugh on the planet.
Another idea I had was to be the next bachelorette. Now hear me out. Yes, I'm married and no I don't actually want to make out with those clowns. But it would be fun to hear their lame-o lines and to catch them in their insincerity. We could take it from vanilla to cotton candy pop rocks.
Side note that I just shamefully recalled: when my husband proposed he said "will you accept this ring?" and I made a Bachelor reference. DURING MY PROPOSAL. A moment I had dreamed about and I tainted it with this filth.
Ok, back to the rose ceremony and to eagerly awaiting the potential gem of The Glass House.
P.S. I just scored a 108 point word in Words With Friends. Booya!

Things that blew my mind this week

1. By now, you have probably already seen this piece about a NJ mother who brought her daughter tanning. It's trending on Facebook and a lead story on Yahoo. Of course the obvious main theme is that taking your kid tanning equals bad parenting but why aren't more people talking about the mom's face? Holy tanorexic!

2. One of the gems of being off of work to recover from my minor surgery is a plethora of free time to watch lots of tv. How has no one told me about the channel "Hub Tv" yet? It's an 80's baby's dream come true. Today, alone, I watched The Facts of Life, Fraggle Rock, My Little Pony, Pound Puppies and Strawberry Shortcake. Ok, the last three are remakes and didn't totally do it for me because I wanted the real thing. But Facts of Life was enlightening. It was like an experiment in tv evolution. They spelled the message they wanted me to learn out and then shouted it at me. No subtlety at all. But did I still almost shed a tear? But of course. Yet to come? Wonder Years is being DVRd in the very near future. Oh, and they are showing Gremlins 2 as their Saturday night movie.

3. Another treasure I stumbled upon is Total Black Out on the SyFy. While I discovered that I completely detest host Jaleel White and he annoyed me pretty much every time he spoke, this was a wonderful combination of hilarious and scary. It's like fear factor to the nth degree. Four contestants begin and the first challenge is to individually go into a pitch black room and stick your hand into four containers and identify what you are touching. Rats and snakes are not out of the question. They learn who is eliminated by all jumping on a platform, one of which gives way and dumps the person down a black hole. Awesome.
The next round is smells. The three remaining players have to go up to holes in glass, sniff things and identify them. What would be the worst thing you could imagine sniffing? Now imagine you are doing that in the dark, through a hole, while being filmed to air to the world. Yup, that happened. A man bent over on the other side of the glass with a hole cut out of his spandex and the contestants walked up to the hole and inhaled. Interestingly, everyone got that one. Other smells to identify included hard boiled eggs off someones breath, dirty socks, and shoe polish.

4. Commercials. Those smoking commercials about stomas are clearly effective as they really disgust me each and every time I see them. More amusing are the Michael Jordan commercials on Sports Center with which my husband is obsessed.(Yes, I just changed that line to be grammatically correct even though a normal human would never say it that way. Unless that person was a professor in England because I think they have different rules).  It follows a plain, boring man named Michael Jordan as he interacts with people who know his name and, thus, expect the celebrity.

5. Did you know on Conan's show when they show a website on the bottom of the screen they actually show a picture of Guns and Roses' Slash's face instead of putting in the "/" slash? He is just so cool. His cousin taught me a government class in high school, btw.

6. Which reminds me...I got the most noteworthy text of my life this week. A friend sent me a text to let me know she was at a party with Meryl Streep!! Really?? Her hubby is in an Off Broadway play in NYC and the post opening night party. But really, who goes to party where Meryl Streep shows up? My friend, evidently.

Tv Worth Watching, Part 2: Guest Post from Something Clever 2.0

TV shows worth watching, Part 2

My friend Maureen writes a blog called Aspiring to the Middle. I guess it would be classified as a “lifestyle” blog; she writes mainly about her lifestyle passions, which include travel, reading and a smattering of home decorating. I highly encourage you to check it out.

Yesterday, she wrote about a lifestyle topic that is very dear to my heart, television. (Please read it here.) She does not claim to be an expert, and focused mainly on reality shows. I, however, do claim to be an expert, and offered to fill in the gaps for her.

In the tv watching system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: the reality tv fans, who know why Ice loves Coco, and the drama fans, who get this reference. These are their stories.

For those of you who know about Maureen’s noble profession, it’s understandable that she wouldn’t want to watch a lot of drama, since she sees enough of that in real life. What she doesn’t see enough in real life is “reality,” at least, reality as it’s presented by Mark Burnett and the good folks at VH1.

My noble profession as a stay-at-home mother (and no, I will not use obnoxious acronyms) is all about watching a short person act a fool, and occasionally say something funny. So you can see why I don’t need Snooki in my life.

The following are my drama recommendations, with some comedy mixed in, because hey, everybody needs that.

Sunday:

“Harry’s Law” – Kathy Bates is hilarious. If you haven’t seen her since “Misery,” give this a shot. It’s a procedural, so you can jump right in anytime. Yes, it’s a lawyer show, but it’s funny as hell. They specialize in lawsuits that are completely bananas, like a little girl with Conversion Disorder who was expelled for basically turning into a demon at school, or a woman who kidnapped a gorilla and fought to have the state grant him “personhood” status.

“Desperate Housewives”- Oh, shut up, it’s fun! These broads just get into the silliest predicaments. As of this writing, there are only two episodes left, so I’m sure I’m wasting my time, here, but at the very least, I can urge you to get on board with the fabulous Marc Cherry’s new project, "Devious Maids." I don’t know a thing about it, but the man gave us “Popular” and “The Golden Girls.” He deserves our respect.

“GCB” – For those who are current fans of “Desperate Housewives,” and looking to fill the impending void, GCB has got you covered. Way less sex, way more church, Texas accents, and my girl from the aforementioned “Popular,” Leslie Bibb. Who plays her mom? Sugarbaker Designs alum Annie Potts! It’s too perfect. And don’t get nervous when you see Kristen Chenoweth in the credits; she almost never sings (praise Jesus.)

Monday:

“Bones” – If you get grossed out easily, skip it. I love gross stuff (except farts), and will often force my husband to watch the cold open of this show, when they find an impossibly disgusting body in a stage of decomp you have absolutely never heard of before. Normally, I can’t stand when procedurals try to throw some cop’s personal life into the mix, but this one does it delicately enough that you never retch.

“Eureka” – It’s on SyFy. Haven’t shut down your computer yet? Ok, cool. I’m pretty sure this show is why they have no budget left for those movies; please don’t let “Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus” sour you on the whole channel. Eureka is a serial about a small town in Oregon that’s like super-secret DARPA. It’s in its last season, but you can probably get the DVDs for $5, since I’m the only one who watches it.

Tuesday:

“Cougar Town” – The awful name is a running gag on this show. They know, don’t worry. And please don’t judge a show by its title card. I'll make you a deal, and I’m being completely honest here: watch one episode, and of you don’t like it, contact me and I will mail you one dollar. If you do like it, you have to come back to this post and comment that I was right. It’s just some friends who drink wine and make fun of people, just like you and me... Maybe just me. Maybe I shouldn’t extend this offer to Maureen’s readers, since I don’t really know if they’re into that. Oh, well, the genie’s out of the bottle now.

Wednesday:

“Law & Order: SVU” – If there’s one thing that can be said for TNT and me, it’s that we know drama. This is the big bad mamma-jamma granddaddy of them all. If you don’t like L&O: SVU, you don’t like drama. Disclaimer: do not watch while pregnant, or for at least two months post-partum. Trust me.

“CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” – It’s the show that single-handedly ruined the jury system! You should see me watching this show; it’s a thing of beauty. I have to translate for my husband. What’s a GC mass-spec? What does it mean when they “put out a BOLO”? At what stage in decomposition to blowflies first appear? You’d know, too, if you watched. If you’re not a pro, you might want to start with the dumbed-down “CSI: Miami,” or the super-duper dumbed-down, spell-everything-out-for-you “CSI: New York.” Once you know what DNA stands for, come play with the big kids in Vegas.

Thursday:

“Missing” – I must confess to pulling a Maureen on this one; I have the entire season banked on my DVR and cannot bring myself to start it. Ashley Judd is cute, and all, but it just seems like a TV version of that Liam Neeson movie I wasn’t interested in. Has anyone seen this? Should I bother? Please comment.

“Person of Interest” – Jim Caviezel is so BA in this show. He’s like a real-life Batman. And I mean just Batman; the Bruce Wayne half is played by Michael Emerson (Benjamin Linus from “Lost”). Basically, Bruce’s computer tells him someone will be involved in a crime, but there are no details. We don’t even know if this person is the victim or the perpetrator. Then he sends Batman in to protect/foil the… person…of interest. Oh, okay. Now finally I get the title.

“The Mentalist” – Imagine a fake psychic so charming you’d gladly hand him your wallet, then make him a cup of tea. Imagine said psychic gets too cocky, taunts a serial killer on national tv, and has his wife and child murdered as payback. Patrick Jane is the phony psychic in question, and he atones for the deaths by working with the police, using the observational skills he honed as a crook to fight for the good guys. In case I made that sound to corny, I should add that he totally plans to murder the guy who killed his family, once he finds him.

“Awake” – This premise is as high-concept as they come. A happy family has a car accident. The wife dies. Then, the husband goes to sleep and awakens to an alternate reality in which the son died, not the wife. Each day, he toggles back and forth between these universes, unclear on which one is real. He sees two different shrinks in each universe (one played by the super-rad B.D. Wong, of L&O: SVU), who both insist that the other universe is a dream. Oh, and did I mention he’s a detective, and has to solve crimes on top of all this? And that he gets clues to the crime in Universe A while he’s in Universe B? And his boss (Laura Innes, from “The Event”) is super-shady, and possibly involved in the accident/double universeness? Yeah. Here’s a tip: to remember which universe he’s in, he wear a rubber band on his wrist- red in the one where his wife’s alive, green for his son (their favorite colors, respectively). The entire color tones for the show follow this rule; wife-universe is shot in warm tones, and son-universe is in cool tones.

Friday:

“Grimm” – Another high-concept cop show. Nick Burkhardt is a Portland detective who just learned that all the fairy tale monsters we grew up hearing about are sort of real. And he’s a Grimm, a person tasked with keeping them in line. Big Bad Wolves are dudes who turn into wolves and eat little girls. The Three Bears kill trespassers. And so on. Unfortunately, Nick got the memo a little late, just before his great-aunt dies, passing on way too little information before she did so.

“In Plain Sight” – Inspector Mary Shannon is a grumpy U.S. Marshall, charged with handling witnesses for the U.S. Federal Witness Protection Program. She takes no guff, but gives plenty. I wish she was real, because I desperately want to be her friend.

I hope this rounds out your viewing schedule. These are only a handful of the 80+ (no joke) shows that I regularly watch, so if that’s not enough, I can always write a Part Three.

TV shows worth watching

Let me first begin by saying that DVR is the greatest invention of my generation, hands down. Ya, the internet has lots to offer but do you remember when you had to find a "tape" to record your favorite show so you could go out on a Wednesday night? Or worse, when you forgot to set up the tape or had to call your mom to hit record right at 8? The stress of that PLUS actually having to understand the Dewey Index System in order to research your book report....kids today shouldn't be having the troubles that they do because they don't even know what stress is!

So with unending gratitude to my DVR, I am able to sample lots of shows and decide which ones stay and which ones go from my weekly regiment. I won't kid you; most stay. There's a whole ranking system of what has to be watched on the night it airs vs. what can wait for the weekend and what needs my full attention vs what can be on in the background. Some shows are best enjoyed fresh while others should be savored marathon style when a few episodes have accumulated.

Let's dissect, day by day, what you should consider adding to your DVR repertoire.

Sunday: Mob Wives, Once Upon A Time, Tough Love, NYC 22
This is just right now. Two months ago, the #1 Sunday priority was clearly Downton Abbey.
For now, I stick with Mob Wives mostly out of loyalty, something very important to the ladies' way of life. Admittedly, I am like 5 episodes behind and have not enjoyed this season nearly as much now that new characters have been introduced to the posse. I'm a little mad at VH1 for assuming I will just accept them with no warning or introduction.
Once Upon A Time is really cute. It doesn't suck me in or get priority status but it's something Hubby and I can watch together and it'd definitely creative.
Tough Love New Orleans just started a couple of weeks ago. Week 1 was really great. Week 2 was vanilla. This will only be week 3 so the jury is still our. Generally, though, this show is a fun one and Steve Ward's no nonsense style is right up my alley.
NYC 22. I haven't actually watched it yet but I keep DVRing it in the hope that I will sit down one day and get into it. I think I initially set the recording for Hubby because it looks like a lot of the shows he has loved in the past but he has been watching them on demand so I don't know if this will stay on the list for long.

                                                            image from Wikipedia

Monday:How I Met Your Mother, RuPaul's Drag Race
HIMYM is one of the few sitcoms I care to follow regularly. New episodes are infrequent, it feels, but even catching a rerun is a good time. Let's be real, it's this generation's Friends. Good humor, characters you care about. Except Robin. I really don't like Robin. Am I supposed to?
RuPaul's Drag Race is super underrated. This show is the best combination of all things. It's funny and fluffy, catty as all competition shows should be, but also sneaks in valuable lessons about bullying and social equality. Not only that but they have their own lexicon that helps me feel like one "the girls".

Tuesday:White Room Challenge
This one is new to the list. Tuesdays were empty for a while after Teen Mom ended. I just can't do 16 and pregnant; even I have limits. It feels like it's one of 3 or 4 different depressing scenarios playing out each week. So I just discovered White Room Challenge on HGTV. It's an hour of fun with four designers tasked with one of the favorite challenges from each season fo HGTV's Design Star. They each have to transform a plain white room into something amazing using random things: sometimes it's restaurant supplies, sometimes it's flowers.

Wednesday:Survivor, Criminal Minds, America's Next Top Model, Couple's Therapy
Survivor is classic reality tv and I love it. Kudos to them for always trying to change some dynamic to make each season feel different, too. This season is filled with idiots and unlikeable ladies but it's still a priority.
Criminal Minds gets taped if there's time and space. It's totally not priority but can be a good compromise when Hubby wants to watch tv with me. It's a good show, don't get me wrong. But I don't need to follow it each week.
Top Model is also kind of weak this season with it's "British Explosion". But the weird photo shoots and crazy things that come out of Tyra's mouth keep me coming back for more!
Couple's Therapy is the first season of a new VH1 show. There are people who love reality tv Bravo style and then there are VH1ers, of which I fall into the latter category. I give most of what they throw at me a try. This show combines the therapeutic elements that we knew and loved from shows like Celebrity Rehab and it does involve D list celebrities, which is interesting because you get to see a totally unexpected side of their personas. I like this show most for the therapeutic interventions. Since that's my line of work, it's really cool to me to see how they "work" with the couples.
Wednesday is my favorite tv night of the week.

                                                                 Image from Wikipedia

Thursday:The Big Bang Theory, Touch, The Pauly D Project
Big Bang is just funny. Like HIMYM, it's just a sitcom that is just as good to watch as a rerun as new. It always brings a smile.
Touch is more for Hubby. To me, it's background tv. It's clever but I don't think dramas are my thing.
Pauly D. is one of those best devoured as a marathon shows. It's not Jersey Shore. It's not wonderful by any stretch of the imagination. I kind of hope it doesn't get a second season. But on a day when you don't really want to think, you can down a few episodes effortlessly. It's the Skittles of the tv world.

Friday:Who Do You Think You Are, The Ultimate Fighter
I feel really passionate about each of these shows in totally different ways.
Who do you think you are inspired it's own blog post once. It tracks the genealogy and stories of relatives of celebrities. It's fascinating, enriching, and often brings me to tears. It's also really frustrating because so much hard work is done for them and I am jealous. There, I said it. I want to be on the show.
The Ultimate Fighter is the only sport I care about. It's Mixed Martial Arts fighting. All the guys live in one house and train as two teams under pro coaches, who also fight at the end of the season. The fights are live and exciting. I like that it shows that these guys have real heart. They are not just meatheads wanting to be violent; they have dynamic background stories and you see more of their personalities than what gets to the ring. It's such an odd thing for me to adore and I don't even watch it with my husband. But I'm a super fan and this gets priority.

                                                            Pic from MMA weekly

Saturday: nothing
Saturday is meant for catching up on last week's shows! Maybe watch some HGTV shows, a little Storage Wars, some Golden Girls or Roseanne.

Let me close by cautioning that my DVR is 70-80% full most of the time because I don't really get to watch all of this tv every week. I only feel safe revealing all of this to you because you know that I am not a 659 lb man that sits on the couch only reviewing the above shows. I read, travel, exercise, go to work, live an otherwise fulfilling life without all of this "junk". But I believe tv is great self care; sometimes you need to shut down your own head for a bit and watch the drama that ensues on the screen. That's my rationalization, at least. What are your priority shows?

Further evidence of Circadian Rhythms

rhythm. when is the last time you wrote that word? what a weird word to write. it doesn't feel right at all.

anyway, i know next to nothing about circadian rhythms but i think i believe in them. the basic idea is that our bodies are all different in their wake/sleep/high/low pattern. basically, you are naturally a morning person or a night owl because your body prefers one or the other. not being a morning person in a world that clearly values them and their circadian rhythms over mine, i feel comforted by some research that justifies that i am not more lazy or less motivated than my hubby and/or mother who can wake up at 630am after only 5 hours of sleep and smile at the world. how's that for a run on sentence?

my job start time changes from day to day as does where that day begins. one day recently i had to be in a court 33 miles from home before 9am. scheduling like that hurts my brain and my soul for days in advance and i genuinely feel the residual impact for days in its wake. but what can't be cured must be endured so i woke up extra early, pulled myself together and got in the car for my monster commute. i averaged 28 mph for the first hour and it took another half hour to get the remaining 5 miles. given that at least half of this trip was on the highway, this is just coo-coo pants. along the way, i almost got in a head on collision with an aggressive suv pushing the boundaries of his traffic line in 4 lanes of traffic on a road that really fits 3, saw a man run across the street barefoot while carrying his boots in his hand, and made up at least one new curse word. did i mention i don't drink coffee? so there's nothing that is really a logical fix for these kinds of mornings.

the following day, still tired from the day before, i at least got to sleep in a bit because i was scheduled to work a meeting that would run until like 9pm. i had every intention of making it to an am yoga class but am workouts are kind of like gnomes to me: i have no evidence that they actually exist because i never see them. instead of yoga, i caught a little of the view as i got ready. that is one show i could never be on! their "debates" get really anger filled. at first i thought "why are they so angry so early in the morning?" and then i realized it's probably about their circadian rhythms. maybe elizabeth hasselback or whatever her name is should argue with larry king instead.

Superbowl: Football or Commercials?

Ok, I'm inspired today. No more ranting about the future generation or telling you what I'm going to write about. Today we get serious. We talk about commercials.

I am among the many who get excited for the Superbowl for the commercials, I confess. If you think about it, that's some really amazing marketing that I'm watching hours of programming just to see what comes on when the "main event" is taking a break! This year is a bit different because I am a New Englander and we have loyalty pulsing through our veins. So even though I am not a big sports watcher, I become a Patriots fan in such a competitive rivalry soley based on honor. As the New England Patriots are in the Superbowl this year, I will have to pay attention for more than a few minutes at a time to watch commercials.

Even though I need to eat a few more chips on Sunday to keep up my energy for longer television viewing endurance, I am admittedly still really pumped for the commercials. In building toward the #1 commercial that I am thrilled to see air, let me tell you about some other commercials that bring joy to my life.

In Superbowls past, the Snickers adds that featured Betty White and then Roseanne Barr truly spoke to me. It is a wise marketing exec who knows that people my age have buying power and also that our hearts are closely tied to our histories. Those histories involve The Golden Girls (who everyone on the planet knows I adore) and Roseanne. Making Betty White talk trash during a football game or showing Roseanne whining as she is most famous for doing, is the stuff of commercial gold.

More recently, my favorite new commercial is from Doritos. Have you seen the one where the guy is eating Doritos as work and the other guy says something like, "you forgot the best part" and sucks the cheese residue off his coworkers finger? So gross and so awesome. Later in the same commercial, another coworker wipes Dorito cheese on his pants and the guy sniffs them. Genius. Because who among us has not licked Dorito cheese off our clothing? Oh, I mean our fingers. Woops.

For the main event, please enjoy a link to this commercial spoof of Ferris Bueller. If this doesn't make you pumped for Sunday's big game, you have no soul. Good day to you.

Been around the World and I, I, I

"I can't find my baby". Do you remember that song? It's in my head for some reason. Maybe it's because I am leaving tomorrow for my big adventure.
As for today, I am cranky. Work stuff has kind of been blowing my mind today. I won't get into it and you're welcome for that.
I have a lot to do tonight including packing, although I have been trying on clothes since last weekend. Because someone else planned the trip and I don't even understand half of the things on the itinerary, I'm just hoping I have the appropriate attire for all of the activities. I'm no fashionista but I am overly preoccupied with the clothes I will be wearing.
Tonight I need to give Hubby lots of hugs and spoon with the cats.
The DVR is cleared enough to accommodate the shows I will miss while I am gone. Check.
Me and Madame trip planner, as my friend who organized the trip is now being called, have added another tv show reference to the mix. We already have our Sex and the City  names, our Golden Girls names, our Jersey Shore personas, or as autocorrect just taught me "personae". I suggested Mob Wives identities, too, but not enough people are into it yet for it to be fun. The newest addition is from Ru Paul's Drag Race 3. The cool girls are "Heathers" and the lamo-s are "Boogers". It can be our little inside joke.
I hope I bring the right books to read, too! Isn't it the worst to bring books on vacation or to the beach and then not really be into them? I always travel with two books, just in case. I also worry that I will blow through my book and then I will be book-bare. I actually went book shopping when I was in Iceland, for the next book in my series. It was awesome to have a pricetag in Krona on the front of my book.
Ok, enough from me. Ta ta for now!

I made a new friend today. Bravo, I say!

It's a hard time of year.
All of the good tv shows are coming to a close. Last week I said goodbye to RuPaul's drag race. This week I bid farewell to the Bad Girls Club and am anticipating the Sunday finale of my beloved Survivor. Next week seals the deal with the naming of America's Next Top Model.
Of course, I always have the Golden Girls to stick with me through thick and thin via reruns but for something that I can't quote along with yet, what is a girl to do?
So, I made a new friend last night. Bravo.
No, I'm not just patting myself on the figurative back. I tried on the Bravo network last night and it fit quite well. I watched my first episode of Pregnant in Heels. I caught the episode where the couple wants their baby to have it's own 'brand'. They are their own variety of crazy, if I do say so myself. I got a recommendation from a trusted source that the Housewives of New Jersey will bridge the gap between the two chambers of my heart: Jersey Shore and Mob Wives. I have it set to DVR so cross your fingers for me that it fills all my Jersey stereotype dreams!
Anyone out there in TV land have a recommendation for me to add to the playlist?

The name game

I should start this post by saying I am not pregnant. For a 30 year old woman who has been married for three years, this is the first question I get every time I am hungry/don't feel good/am tired/wear a non form fitting sweater/cry/am less nice, etc. So I will just answer your question before it forms in your cute little head.
Moving on, MTV posted about names from their hit show Teen Mom influences name trends today. I decided to do a little research and am going to call BS on all of this because when you go to the social security site that keeps track of trending names, you can actually only search up to 2010 and the top names are not at all what the link above shows. While I was there, I looked up the popularity of my own name. It kind of felt like a slap in the face when the page popped up saying that my name has not been in the top 1000 (!) in the last 11 years. It's not that I'm shocked, even. But the top 1000???? That's a whole lot of wiggle room to still not make the cut for over a decade. Ouch.
This hearkens back to the trauma of being a kid in the Christmas Tree Shop, looking for some cheap stamp/magnet/keychain thing with my name on it and never finding it because they only make those for Kims, Sarahs, Donnas and Rachels. By the way, I'm pretty sure those are the  names of 4 of the 5 confirmed readers of this blog:) You guys just wouldn't understand my pain because your names ranked in at 68, 30, 984 and 100 (or 701 if you spell it with the second a) respectively last year. Check, check, check it out.

Did you know?

That armpit hair only grows to be an inch and half long?
That spit can help clear up a zit?
Icelandic Skyr is sold at Whole Foods?
Appendicitis can be caused by a virus and, therefore, contagious?
The Situation is getting his own spin off show?
(I learned the first two from Allure magazine while I was at the hairdresser-I'm not a weirdo researching armpit hair. I like to give credit where credit is due when I can)
Just some food for thought as you head into your weekend.....Hope it's a great one!!

Wednesday TV Roundup

Wednesday is the best day for TV, for sure. My DVR gets a lot of exercise between 8-10. The night's agenda: Survivor, America's Next Top Model and.....drum roll........an actual sitcom: Happy Endings. It's new. Only 3 episodes in. The characters fill every prototype for a tv friend group in their late 20s/early 30s but the humor is on point. Even if you don't like the actors, you want to be friends with this group. Well, I do.

Oh! Breaking News!! Old Spice has a new commercial with "the Old Spice Guy" and a bunch of puppies. Hooray!!

Fast Five or Mob Wives?

Which passion makes me more laughable?
As I thought of what to write about, I realized that when my work life is extra crazy I have a harder time writing. I think it's because what takes up most of my mind those days is stuff that's confidential and can't be written about. I can say that I went to a round table today that presented a really interesting case on stalking via technology. And to sum it up: wow, some people are crazy!
So to escape the hard stuff, I try to keep life light the rest of the time. Sooooo, tonight I went to the Premium Cinema to see Fast Five.
"What's the Premium Cinema? " you may ask. Well, it is a fabulous place is what it is! It's a 21+ movie theater. You pay more (but I have a free VIP pass, which pretty much makes me the most popular girl in town) but you get free unlimited soda and popcorn. They also have a restaurant and full bar. The seats are leather and plush and have individual pull out tables. But let's be real, the best part is not having to deal with loud teenagers. (Yes, I know that's a granny comment.)
Me and Hubby usually only get one or two nights a week that one of us isn't working so those nights need to feel used up, not squandered. Still, those nights add up so the free movie pass gets a lot of use. Plus, I'm in a competition with a friend who also has one to see which one of us can see more movies this year. It's good to have goals. haha.
All that aside, I really wanted to see Fast Five, which is the fifth installment of the Fast and the Furious movies. In high school, all the guys I hung around fostered in me a great appreciation of cars. And let's not beat around the bush, Vin Diesal is fun to look at. He also makes a very likeable criminal. The Rock also has a big role in this movie. I don't think he had a good line the whole 2 hours, poor thing. Here's a tip if you go see it: make sure you sit through the credits for the follow up scene. Scandalous!!
And to bring it full circle: Mob Wives. It's a good NY/Jersey persona fix in place of Jersey Shore. I'm only two episodes in but I'm already wondering if me and my girls need Mob Wives personas to add to our SATC, Golden Girls, and Jersey Shore personas for our upcoming trip. I recommend you give this show a try and you may just add it to your guilty pleasures list.

Happy Monday!

For once, I actually feel like my weekend was long! I didn't do much that is noteworthy this weekend. What about you?
Here's what I did do:
I slept a lot. I think I have the sleep equivalent of a tapeworm. The need for sleep is really insatiable. I took naps both weekend days. In fact, I went to church yesterday and was basically excused to go home by my mom and my bishop because I was so tired I was like out of it. You would think I was doing something exciting on Saturday night! But no, I stayed in all day Saturday, with the exception of a walk to the grocery store.
Oh, and I bought frames for the products of my Etsy binge last month. I got three really cute pieces that now just need to find their home on the wall. One piece was a larger, odder size. I looked into matting and framing it but it was going to have to be a custom order. Do you have any idea what that costs?????? Coo Coo amounts. So, while it would have looked nicer matted and in a frame to size, I trimmed the edges and crammed it into a regular frame and saved $230. I'm sure it wouldn't have looked $230 worth of nicer so I feel great about my decision.
I made a yummy fruit salad to mimic one that I had at work last week. I skipped the raspberries, my favorite, because they were $4.99 for a small package. I did include pineapple, cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and grapes. Yum. I also made my favorite salad and some chicken and ravioli. That should feed me for a couple days:)
I caught up on a bunch of DVRd shows. I adore my DVR and the convenience it has brought to my life. Remember when you had to run home for your favorite show? Or worse, you had to find someone to tape it for you?? I watched  hours of Secret Millionaire. So good and inspirational. I finally watched the Teen Mom 2 reunion show, a show on the Challenger from January and an episode of the Colony that has been on there for months.
To balance out the tv time, I did also read. I wish time would stand still when I read. I really want to keep seeing what happens with the story but you can't really multitask while reading so I never have enough time. Or it segues to a nap.
So, I hope your weekend was as restful as mine and perhaps more noteworthy!

The Ups and Downs of Shopping

Before I get into that, I need to say that Ralph Macchio is timeless! Dancing With the Stars is on in the background and I am just in awe. He is a manboy! He has been married to his wife for 24 years and they showed a picture of his wedding in 1987 and it definitely looks like he has only aged 5 years. Karate must be a fountain of youth.
Prior to Ralphy distracting me, I was going to write about my flabbergasting shopping experiences this weekend. The Target by my house just got a grocery department. This has been a trying transition because they have moved everything around but I have been trying to go often enough to stay well oriented. Generally, I think Target is a wonderland oasis. However, this Saturday I went to the new "improved" Target and, for the first time in history, I wanted to leave!! The produce prices were good and my fridge was empty, as evidenced by my post from Saturday, so I decided to brave the crowd but it was barely worth it. Too many people were there and the rows were too narrow to accommodate all the gawkers. Two carts side by side was a challenge. On top of all that, I was trying to find a new sound machine and first, staff were really hard to find and second, they all gave me mixed directions. The guys in the electronics department told me the store didn't carry the item, which I knew to be false since I got my last one there. Another girl told me they were in electronics. Upon my return to that area, they were all out. UGH!
To counteract my negative feelings about Target, I was pleasantly surprised by the Dollar Tree by my house. I am not much of a dollar store shopper. My mom loves those kinds of places and I think a part of me has to rebel just because of that. They always seem dirty and sketchy to me. I wanted to get out of the house for a walk to channel vacation Maureen and I ended up over there. I needed a bunch of birthday cards for all the Spring birthdays in my family and they had them for $ .50!! I thought I was buying them at face value so when they rang in for less than a dollar, I was thrilled! I got liquid plumber for a buck, too! For nine dollars and some change I left with four cards, ribbon, nail polish, liquid plumber, a candle lighter, and two boxes of candy. AMAZING!!

skins

Let me begin by clearly stating for the record that I love MTV and VH1 and reality TV. A LOT.
But....
what's up with this 'skins' show?? Not a lot of TV offends me to the point that I can't even try it. This is an exception, though. I feel dirtier every time I even see a commercial for skins! Do those topics really speak to teens today? And I'm not at all bothered by the lesbian relationship theme that was ruffling some parents' feathers. I am, however, really bothered by the substance use and casual sex that seems to be running rampant. What parents let their kids stay out all night only to walk home over a bridge early in the morning? I'm not saying it doesn't happen but when it does, it's problematic. If this was geared toward 21 year olds, I would surely feel differently. I mean, I adore Jersey Shore, which is inundated with the same themes I just said I didn't like. Maybe it's also about the melancholy nature of the drama. I predict a teen suicide linked to this show and that's no good.
I say all this with utter ignorance, not having seen the show but if I can't deal with the ads, I'm pretty sure I would not be a fan.

roseanne=a little friday fun

http://www.salon.com/entertainment/tv/feature/2011/02/15/roseanne_barr_nut_farmer_reality_tv

For those of you who didn't see a red-gloved, sunglasses-inside wearing Rosie on The Talk a couple weeks back....NEWSFLASH: She now has a macadamia nut farm.
I love Roseanne. I own the whole 90s sitcom series of DVD.  She keeps it real.
That being said, a reality show? About nuts? When Roseanne doesn't seem to be as on top of it as she did when she told Dan Connor what was what?
Will I watch? Of course!! Won't you? But I'm worried. Just sayin'.

RaNdOm TiDbItS

My friend Donna (http://thedollsweetjournal.blogspot.com/) writes a blog and on Fridays she does bulleted pieces called Fragmented Fridays, an idea from http://www.halfpastkissintime.com/p/friday-fragments.html, with little tidbits from the week. I like this idea and am going to steal it, with her permission pending.
Some things popped up this week that I didn't turn into a full rant (of course).
Of note:

• I found a silk shirt in Hubby's clothes pile. I haven't seen a silk shirt since I was in middle school. Is that even socially appropriate? I guessed not and told him that.
• What's the next best sign of Spring after flowers peeping through the grass? My grill emerged from a snow pile this week! It was a welcomed visitor.
• I finished my book, The Virgin Widow, about Lady Anne Neville. It was a great love story. I'm currently weighing my options as to what to read next-the pile of options is high! I jumped into Little Bee last night but am not sure if I will stick with it yet or not. 
• Wednesday brought the much anticipated new season of Survivor! Who else is watching so I can stockpile peeps to discuss with?
• I had a cousins party tonight and honed some of my new domestic skills. Tonight's menu was appetizers and desserts because they create the perfect meal balance in the world I roll in. For apps I made: spinach squares, sweet and sour meatballs, and pizza rolls. For dessert I made: chocolate mint cookies, white chocolate Oreo truffles, and muddy buddies (clearly more for me than anyone else).
• I waged war with Best Buy and their "installation Geek Squad" this week. Such a long story but if you ever consider getting a car starter installed by them, contact me and I will give you an earful to prep you.
• Work was a little tragic this week. I had to take Wednesday off just to catch up on sleep and regain some energy. I decided a walk outside was just what the Dr ordered and the fresh air was wonderful. I took pics so it might turn into its own rant. Then I went to Framingham Bakery for some of the best pizza on Earth. The next day on FB, a debate over the Framingham Bakery Pizza hype popped up. I defended it to the death. If they shipped, I would totally include a link so the rad readers that appeared from Indonesia and Singapore this week could get in on the goodness. I feel guilty having all the pleasure for myself.
• Thanks for reading!
• PS-how great are the Old Spice commercials??????

Who do you think you are??

Have you seen this show? http://www.nbc.com/who-do-you-think-you-are/ They follow celebrities as they do genealogy and trace their families back to interesting stories. They get a lot of help along the way-I would do a lot more if someone else found all the good documents and put all the pieces together for me. The result, though, is always moving and they learn something about themselves.

My mother's cousin was able to trace my grandmother's line back to the Mayflower!! This was  huge to a girl who goes to Plimoth Plantationhttp://www.plimoth.org/, where they do reenactments of the Pilgrim village circa 1627 every year the day before Thanksgiving. (When I was at college in Utah, I even flew home for this event).
This year on our annual 'pilgrimage'-pun fully intended-we walked into the home of Stephen Hopkins, the Mayflower passenger I can be traced to, and he was telling the story of how he met his wife. Very cool.

This show is important for a myriad of reasons. I especially like that it helps people think about their roots in a deeper way. How many times have you been part of a conversation about what nationality you are? I'm guessing many, as most of us have. This might be super relevant if you are a first generation immigrant but I find it an odd combination of amusing and frustrating that some people say "I'm Irish" when you don't know who or when in your family anyone ever actually lived in Ireland. I say this from first hand experience. With my name, complexion, and a dad who resembles a leprechaun, it felt easy to claim Irish roots but I don't have the proof to back it up.  I stopped claiming that years ago when this all dawned on me.

I still have a lot of work to do on the other side of my family to figure out where we come from. Adoptions and family secrets have made that work difficult to get back even a couple generations but I will feel like a full fledged detective when I dig up the documents that tell me something that my family never could.

It also just recently occurred to me how cool my future child's pedigree will be. On one side, he/she/it will be able to go back to the original colonies of this country. On the other side, there will be Hubby, who is the first child in his family to be born in the USA. If Bruce Springsteen lyrics didn't just pop into your head, you need to go stare at the flag while eating some apple pie and try again.