Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Things I think you should know today

Things I think you should know today:
1. Atlantic City might have a time vortex. I had a girls' weekend there this past Friday through Sunday and it was simultaneously both the fastest and slowest 40 hours of the year. I think it siphoned some of my lifeforce/energy in exchange, though.
2. Paris was an amazing city (that I have still yet to write about) but there was so much to see that  I think it overloaded the culture part of my brain. Now all I want is beach vacations and to stare vacantly until someone catches me, thinks I am staring at them and I get all flustered.
3. Boloco has a nutella milkshake.
4. And Panera Bread's peach smoothie is pretty much the perfect food when it's too hot to eat a real meal. Of course that's because I can't easily access Jamba Juice, which would trump all. I have written to them twice and suggested they bring a location to the swanky mall in Natick, MA, which is far more accessible for me than the 2 college locations they currently offer in Boston. How do I get them on board? Will you all write to them for me, too?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

One Liners and Other Blogs (and lack of title creativity)

I love reading my blog stats. Today I learned that one of the phrases that people search and find my blog is "i bought a pair of skiny colored jeggings and i am 45".  Please note that the spelling error is original to the seach. And I have a reader in Moldova, which I couldn't identify on a map if I were on a game show. Sir or Madam, could you make yourself known and teach me about your country? I like to travel so maybe I can add it to my to-see list once I know in which direction I should start flying.

Another great liner was self-produced. I didn't realize how awesome it was until it was all typed out and then even I wanted to be my own friend. In an email to a friend I offered the hook " Franti was AMAZING. I have such stories for you including a near death experience, a ride in a police car and sexually harassing the band". That story  might be tomorrow's blog post so come back for more if you are hungry for the details, which you clearly should be.

Finally, because my left contact hurts too much to keep writing, I will take the lazy route and direct you to read someone else's blog instead. My very funny friend Jenn wrote a post last week that I just stumbled upon about how to be a good neighbor. You can read it here. I find it inspiring because I recently had to send a neighbor anonymous, respectful hate mail about her dog barking and waking me up every morning. I am proud to report that it hasn't happened since so she is earning back some good neighbor street cred!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Karma is Real

I don't believe in Deja Vu or any of that other funny business. And, generally, I believe the concept of karma to be true but have not believed in it's actuality. Until this morning's commute.
Each morning I am in my car for a minimum of 45 minutes. That's a lot of time to find new songs I like, think about the chores I need to find someone to do and get mad at other drivers. This morning I had one really nice thought. Like so nice I had to touch my heart and get misty. But then I had a lot of not so nice thoughts. And at least one that was so naughty I had to talk it out of my head.

Shortly after the really not so nice thought I got caught behind a student driver. How's that for karma? And it was seriously like the student drivers lack of skill was commensurate with the degree of my bad thought. This was the worst student driver I have ever been within a 4 mile radius of. At one point we rounded a bend that had one of those speed marker things and it clocked the student driver (and, thus, me stuck behind him/her) at 11 mph. I'm pretty sure I could push my car faster than that. My leg was cramping from hovering over the break because cars do not want to go 11 mph.

After being stuck behind the student driver from Hell for the longest 3 miles of my life, I was lucky enough to be able to take a right hand turn and escape. I really wanted to look into the car and identify what kind of person could drive that bad but I knew I couldn't look at them without saying mean things so I just said the mean things while I looked straight ahead instead. One of my favorite things to do whenever I am stuck behind an especially frustrating driver and I have the chance to pass them on my way to turn or something is to slow down and glare in at them to sufficiently communicate my wrath for them, by the way.

So I take the turn and start on my alternate route when I come across some fat town workers repainting the cross walks. I am all for that since I once got pulled over for failing to stop for a little girl in a cross walk and my defense, in all honesty, was that I didn't see that there was even a cross walk there because it was so faint. And I don't stop for jaywalkers. That's like encouraging delinquency. The fat painters were taking up a whole lane of traffic and forced me to drive like I was in London for a minute, which unnerved me when my body had just started to regulated itself in the aftermath of the anger that surged through it as a result of the student driver. Just another couple blocks after that obstacle I found some road construction blocking my path. Really??Being the resourceful girl that I am, I took another turn that would help me get around the construction without being spit out onto the main road where people like to open their car doors just to dare you to hit them. Feeling pretty proud of myself and just around the corner from work, I had to stop at a stop sign in order to take a left. Now no one likes to take left turns, right? Looking in two directions is exhausting. So I was understanding when the car in front of me took a minute to make the turn. But then another minute went by and I was starting to feel less understanding so I decided to assess the situation. What would karma do if you successfully got away from the worst student driver ever? Karma would put a funeral procession in your path next. Yup. All those purple flags on the car with sad people mourning a loss inside and I can usually muster up some empathy, if not jealousy for the fact that they get a day off when I am on my way to work. But this morning all I could think was that they were in my way and it was some cosmic retribution.

So the moral of the story is that when you are cranky you shouldn't drive. And if you don't drive then you can't go to work. And if all the cranky people in the world didn't go to work, think of how nice all the people who waited on you at restaurants and stores all day would be!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Monday night revelations

I've never blogged from my phone before and it will probably take a month to type and be riddled with errors but I have learned so much on the last hour that I can't help myself. Sadly, most of them are about The Bachelorette.
First off, how can anyone think these people are for real? Where do I begin?! Guys sitting around talking about each others dating strategies? No. This girl is super cheesy. Why does anyone want to date her anyway? Of course she is beautiful but everything she says is irritating.
I think this show would be leaps and  bounds better if they let me narrate it and mock them. Like when the single dad is crying about his kid I could be in the bottom right corner making faces like a crying baby rubbing his eyes and laughing that Rob Zombie wife laugh. She has the best make fun of you laugh on the planet.
Another idea I had was to be the next bachelorette. Now hear me out. Yes, I'm married and no I don't actually want to make out with those clowns. But it would be fun to hear their lame-o lines and to catch them in their insincerity. We could take it from vanilla to cotton candy pop rocks.
Side note that I just shamefully recalled: when my husband proposed he said "will you accept this ring?" and I made a Bachelor reference. DURING MY PROPOSAL. A moment I had dreamed about and I tainted it with this filth.
Ok, back to the rose ceremony and to eagerly awaiting the potential gem of The Glass House.
P.S. I just scored a 108 point word in Words With Friends. Booya!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


There was just no way for me NOT to share THIS POST from Jezebel. It confirms (with actual scientific studies) a theory I have struggled with for a long time. Basically, that morning people are happier than people like me. I have written about this a few times that I can remember, particularly in a recent post about circadian rhythms and as evidenced by the fact that one of my "label" options for posts is "I'm really not a morning person".

 It's clear to me that morning people are happier because I have always lived with such creatures. My mother wakes up at like 4:30 in the morning to go to work. When I make any plans to meet up with her on the weekends, she always wants to get going way earlier than I ever even see the numbers on the clock with an AM next to them. And she is one of the cheeriest individuals I know. After living with my mother, I somehow married a morning preferring person, too! He is one of those weirdos who doesn't even need an alarm clock. He can need to wake up at 6am one day and 730 the next and somehow his body just internalizes that fact and wakes him up on time. Meanwhile, if left to my own devices, I would sleep until soap operas were starting. The only benefit is that I can also stay up pretty late so I get to learn about all sorts of exciting infomercial products. (I still really want to try Pajama Jeans). He, too, is one of those people who others universally describe as "nice" and "happy". I'm pretty sure those are not the top two words that come to mind when people have to describe me. Something akin to cantankerous might be a better fit for me.

This article also gives a really simple, logical answer for why morning people are happier. If you are already going to be awake, you don't mind going to work as much as those of us who would rather be sleeping. Perfect answer. Ya, if you are all bright eyed and bushy tailed at 730, why not go get stuff done? Me, on the other hand...I don't want to get things done until about 11 am so those 9 am meetings are a bit more challenging.

Anyway, I get really excited about this topic because I really feel like I should start a night owl equality movement. NOEM. We can pronounce it like "gnome" because the Travelocity gnome is a big hit and that movie from the 60s or 70s, "the gnomemobile" is a classic in my book. Who's with me?