Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Karma is Real

I don't believe in Deja Vu or any of that other funny business. And, generally, I believe the concept of karma to be true but have not believed in it's actuality. Until this morning's commute.
Each morning I am in my car for a minimum of 45 minutes. That's a lot of time to find new songs I like, think about the chores I need to find someone to do and get mad at other drivers. This morning I had one really nice thought. Like so nice I had to touch my heart and get misty. But then I had a lot of not so nice thoughts. And at least one that was so naughty I had to talk it out of my head.

Shortly after the really not so nice thought I got caught behind a student driver. How's that for karma? And it was seriously like the student drivers lack of skill was commensurate with the degree of my bad thought. This was the worst student driver I have ever been within a 4 mile radius of. At one point we rounded a bend that had one of those speed marker things and it clocked the student driver (and, thus, me stuck behind him/her) at 11 mph. I'm pretty sure I could push my car faster than that. My leg was cramping from hovering over the break because cars do not want to go 11 mph.

After being stuck behind the student driver from Hell for the longest 3 miles of my life, I was lucky enough to be able to take a right hand turn and escape. I really wanted to look into the car and identify what kind of person could drive that bad but I knew I couldn't look at them without saying mean things so I just said the mean things while I looked straight ahead instead. One of my favorite things to do whenever I am stuck behind an especially frustrating driver and I have the chance to pass them on my way to turn or something is to slow down and glare in at them to sufficiently communicate my wrath for them, by the way.

So I take the turn and start on my alternate route when I come across some fat town workers repainting the cross walks. I am all for that since I once got pulled over for failing to stop for a little girl in a cross walk and my defense, in all honesty, was that I didn't see that there was even a cross walk there because it was so faint. And I don't stop for jaywalkers. That's like encouraging delinquency. The fat painters were taking up a whole lane of traffic and forced me to drive like I was in London for a minute, which unnerved me when my body had just started to regulated itself in the aftermath of the anger that surged through it as a result of the student driver. Just another couple blocks after that obstacle I found some road construction blocking my path. Really??Being the resourceful girl that I am, I took another turn that would help me get around the construction without being spit out onto the main road where people like to open their car doors just to dare you to hit them. Feeling pretty proud of myself and just around the corner from work, I had to stop at a stop sign in order to take a left. Now no one likes to take left turns, right? Looking in two directions is exhausting. So I was understanding when the car in front of me took a minute to make the turn. But then another minute went by and I was starting to feel less understanding so I decided to assess the situation. What would karma do if you successfully got away from the worst student driver ever? Karma would put a funeral procession in your path next. Yup. All those purple flags on the car with sad people mourning a loss inside and I can usually muster up some empathy, if not jealousy for the fact that they get a day off when I am on my way to work. But this morning all I could think was that they were in my way and it was some cosmic retribution.

So the moral of the story is that when you are cranky you shouldn't drive. And if you don't drive then you can't go to work. And if all the cranky people in the world didn't go to work, think of how nice all the people who waited on you at restaurants and stores all day would be!!


  1. The best part is the idea that someone died two days ago just to F up your commute today. LMAO!

  2. When can I buy a WWKD t-shirt or awareness bracelet? (SaraRenzi who is hated by her Google account)